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The Capitalist Tool of the Week
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Puppet goes down... and then he goes under... 01
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- by KidPuppet
Those Aussie-Billabong, cut-lunch loving blokes, down under, decided I was king
for the week and gave me a tour of their
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Look at me I'm glowing...
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capitalist, Internet-monkey, sweat factory. (Certainly, those ratbag sparks couldn't toss over some of their valuable
Aussie quids for my spunky puppet arse. Anyway...) First off, they rushed me into some hidden room with
some coked out guy in a safety suit. It got my jollies humming and numbed my kidneys, but I slapped the
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b*tch and ran when he started spraying me with some smelly burning juices. Running around, I lost the tour guide monkeys, and found
myself under some huge nuclear powered web servers. What the f*ck are these people doing here! Well, after being exposed to toxic
juice and nuclear accelerated energy, I needed to take a little puppet nap. Ahhh, after about 13 hours, I felt like new. Like a good
home grown dirt nap.
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@$#%, #@$%, I'm lost!
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Oh, oh! Jebus!
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My vision a little blurred, my head a little spinning, and my genitals a little brittle, I was ready to explore.
Yessss, the colors... Then all monkey-h*ll, crap, broke loose! Turn one wrong corner and I end up opening a jar of
h*llish, h*llhole, f*cked up, sh*t! Oh, my head! Recalling the horror makes me want to excrete in my pantaloons. Oh, punch me
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in the back of my skull and put me out of my misery. (F*ckin run! Run for your life!) These pixie stick peddling web developers wanted to
do some untold, sugar-coated, dark, murderous, touchings to me in some dark corner. After about 4 hours of terror-blind, frantic running with puppet arms flailing,
I collapsed in a pile of melted licorice in the shape of Mick Jagger's agots.
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Jebus! Save me from myself.
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Yummy! Back dat *ss up!
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When I came to, those sick monkeys inflated my pants, and rubbed their shrunken orange genitals against my
bloated being in unison, signing "oompa loompa". I couldn't take it anymore. I yanked on my wallet chain as
hard as I could and pulled my little puppet pants off. Pants deflated, they were no longer interested in my
pantsless puppet carcass. Those sick, sick, b*stards.
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Right then and there, I learned something new. Don't anger a group of short-limbed, orange-faced, green-haired, overalls-wearing,
Aussie web monkeys. Now they meant business. One of those trippy freaks grabbed me by the head and shook me violently
until I passed out in pool of my own sweat and stuffing. Horror, bloody horror...
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Oh h*ll. He's touching...
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Six feet under and feeling it.
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Then they picked up my limp puppet remains and tossed me into a purple, carmel and Fanta© coated, death pit.
Chanting "Boo-Urns, Boo-Urns" while hocking fresh wet loogies on my head, I whipped around violently until all
I could see was the darkness of my inner soul. Seeing that I couldn't take much more, they took me straight to the leader.
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They fished me out and locked me in the lair of the Chief Webmaster! He sat on the ground before me, mumbling and whispering
hypertext markup language and "Sound of Music"TM lyrics. When I began to weep like a Binobo chimpanzee sans
erogenous zones, he stood silently and lifted his right hand. He then proceeded to make a horrible, ear piercing, "aawwwww", rattling my skull
and loosening my stool. He then proceeded to lift his other hand and murmured "yesssss" under his breathe. He used his wicked internet-content-driving
powers to spin me uncontrollably, nearly knocking my views of universal human emancipation, until I had visions of the next century. Enlightenment...
I am now the alpha and the omega. Worship my ways... Listen to the voice of the little orange men.
- KidPuppet Chronicles
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THE COMMUNIST ©.
This page is to be used for entertainment purposes only.
The Communist is not responsible for any sudden acts of communism.
The Communist and all its contents are property of BobCo Solutions, Inc.
Illegal distribution or copying of this page or contents will result in 'Puppet Repression'.
BobCo Solutions, Inc. © 2000
Contact:
Webmaster
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KidPuppet:
-Sex: Male
-Height:
approx 2'10"
-Weight: 2 lbs.
-Origin: Unknown
Might is right. Power to the puppet.
Go get some Awww!
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